Sunday, 1 April 2012

Fitness people

Hey all,

Before you read on, please let me reiterate that some of the things i say here are written tongue in cheek and are mostly out to entertain. I mean dont get me wrong im mostly telling the truth but its all meant to be a laugh really.

If your really offended id love to hear from you - just put your name onto my "Bothered list" at the bottom of this blog and some day (actually never) i will get around to replying to you :)

Its been a bit busy on the work front lately and doesn't look like slowing down so the writing has taken a back-step for the time being. However when inspiration hits me in the face (like slap from a clingy girl you just dumped) I am compelled to write!

Answer me this... What do you wanna look like?

Mel B rocking some impressive abs

Cover model look? Catwalk model look? Bodybuilder look?

Ryan Reynolds ripped up for a film role

Decided? Ok, Answer me this... What do you do for exercise?

Classes? kettlebells? weights? running? etc. 

Q. Are these forms of training taking you closer/further away from your desired look?

Just recently there have been several instances where this has become really obvious to me.

1) I watched a guy perform a brilliant workout on the TRX and new TRX rip trainer recently. His form was impeccable, his timing and control was expert. I was seriously impressed with that. Trouble is... he was overweight. Pretty chubby actually.

So, that made me think... do i actually want to spend hours and hours on the TRX and become an expert to look like that? hell NO. Without going into to things too much i think the trend these days is all talk and no walk. too many 'experts' not doing what they teach, anyway i digress...
2) Someone mentioned to me the other day they want to reduce the size of their legs/thighs but would not give up multiple spinning classes per week. I shrugged and had nothing else to say. You see in one sentence they told me why they had big legs (spinning), told me that they wanted smaller legs and then told me that they would not give up potentially the biggest reason they have big legs in the first place. People truly are strange!

Whats my point?

Well it seems people are hooked on forms of exercise that are not creating the results they actually want. Once again the 'behaviours' are not matching the desired 'goals'. So here is my homework for everyone this week (school flashbacks urgh) - Look at the physiques on the people who do that particular form of exercise you regularly do and make a decision about whether it is a good fit for your goals. Look at the instructors, the trainers, the experts - chances are if you get any good at what they do - you will develop similar physical characteristics.

If you ultimately do not want this look, why ar eyou training like he does?

A quick note on the above. Unless you live, eat, sleep and take drugs like this guy you will never look like that - sorry but its not possible. 

From years of gym and people experience, here is my concise guide to exercise modes and the people that perform them. See if you can identify one that fits your goal or maybe you are doing the wrong type already and need a change?

Weight training 
Ah my first love, Mrs Iron! When used correctly weights will mould your body into a sleek, sexy machine that can drop the mouth of the opposite sex from across the room (an old training goal of mine)... but BEWARE. too much of a good thing can be bad. Too much 'mirror muscles' training with too much weight and bad technique can lead to a "mutant" look thats just not thats sexy.

Bodybuilding done good

Bodybuilding done bad!

For the record, the massive upper body/no lower body look is just plain f*cking dumb - 70% of the muscles of the body are beneath the waist. Be a man/tough woman and train your legs with as much effort and attention as your biceps and you'll be fine.

Another interesting finding recently showed that the average 'weights only' session burned about 250-300 calories an hour, so as a 'bodybuilder' if you're not eating a really clean diet or living a clean lifestyle - you'll end up big and round (not a great look) as the calorie burn of each training session is not high enough alone to get you lean.

Cardio bunnies 

Without destroying the soul of every person that does 'cardio' as an exclusive form of training (although its always been fun for me) i will just highlight some facts:

1) On assessments over the past 6 years, 'runners' have presented with the worst lower leg problems of any other clients.

2) Cardio enthusiasts rarely enjoy the gym because 'Steady state work' is a complete bore and  totally inefficient for time.

3) The people that do it aren't in that great a shape, the new term is "skinny fat" - small but high fat... a bit like a dunkin' doughnut really (you really are what you eat!)

4) 'Cardio' people regularly complain about the TV/DVD systems not working properly - This crime used to get you a f*ckin roundhouse kick to the face in my old gym! But now i must be polite and attempt to fix the problem without sarcastically suggesting they get a good workout!

When used correctly as part of a balanced training program, 'Cardio-vascular' training is an essential part of the puzzle. Improving one's fitness is a must. However i personally advocate that you can raise you heart rate more efficiently elsewhere and with more than just a treadmill or bike exclusively.

Martial artists
Pure martial artists are usually slim and skillful guys that never see the inside of a commercial gym and will use dojos or clubs to hone their skills. If you are one of those dickheads who does his full routine on the commercial gym stretching area, STOP please. Nobody cares you are trying to look cool or tough doing freestyle kung fu, go to a proper club and get your ass kicked there, thats all you really deserve! a regular ass-kicking.

Kung fu gym nerd

Class people

Hmmmm... Personally I look at class goers and i really do not identify with them at all. They are literally a different breed to my own style and prefered way of training - For class-goers Its all about the social and the fun element... i get it. I just wouldn't do it myself as an exclusive form of training. I honestly think for the mentioned reasons above that classes are mainly for the ladies. I think classes are perfect for those with no real training goals or aspirations for improvement in anything specific.

I believe all men should have an interest in strength training, its nature. If you don't then change in the other changing room and get into 'chats' during your gym time.

Again i look at the general crowds of classes and they are not always in great shape (some are) -  It may be something to do with (lack of) effort applied in the class and that the body is completely bored with the same exercise over and over again? Class goers are quite random in the way they look from lean and fit to heavy and unfit - again i would say the difference being variation of exercise, diet, genetics and talent as major factors. Unfortunately for those who regularly 'hide' in classes they may never identify what their personal limitations are and continue 'smile and wave' to the beat! On a positive side, those folk who use classes correctly will find a way to progress and vary the way the do them to keep the body guessing and not fall into the same training stress for months on end.

I have and always will have my own opinion about 4/week spinners - thats for another time. I think too much spinning without anything else will leave you walking funny. Obviously if you excessively train one movement pattern over and over there will be problems/issues down the line. I also frown on an activity that actively encourages 'high-fives' between members.

In terms of physiques. Spin class instructors are usually buffed up GX guys/girls with big legs (but remember they are more than likely to be taking a few other classes too) Spin class members/people seem to be half super skinny, half overweight? The guys who use the class once per week as a supplement to a balanced program, look... well balanced. just my observation.

NOTE: Im not saying spin instructors dont look good, they 99% of the time do - remember the person earlier i mentioned didnt want big legs? Thats why i said 'buffed up' - as this is not necessarily what some people want.


Every serious KB practioner i have met is ripped and looks strong. Need i say more? For this reason i have adopted more KB training as it fits in with my bodyfat goals.


I like TRX, i also like eating cheesecake but doesn't mean i eat it every day. Personally Im using TRX as a deload to my strength stuff and i use it with clients when the gym is busy. The ab stuff is hard and you can really get a full body functional workout without stressing the joints too much. Just remember if you're gonna wear the TRX t-shirt and sweatbands and buy a special green one to show everyone you are 'special' - eat properly or you will still look overweight. TRX is a great exercise tool but it never promised to burn 1000s of crappy calories you over-consume on.

TRX experts (good ones) tend to be lean and slightly muscular. I guess 'slender' could be the best term.


Great for people who need to be more flexible and a really healthy form of restorative exercise. nothing really bad to say as Yoga does seem to fit a certain personality type and some of the practitioners look fantastic. The worse thing i can say is that Yoga (like spinning or crossfit) has an almost 'cult' following which then makes people to believe there is no better way to get a result... and thats wrong.


Anyone else noticed how overweight/unfit people love to stretch? They LOVE it.

"Gee, I wonder why?"

Because its effing easy and requires no effort, thats why! If your overweight you should be banned from all stretching areas, no exceptions. Believe me thats not the issue that needs addressing. Get a sweat on and eat better or less or both - simples.

Sorry for the tough love but someone has to say it? Laying on the floor of the gym for 90 minutes, feeling great and updating your facebook status with "still at the gym" is not getting you anywhere near to that size 16 dress you so want to buy. Meaaw! i'm such a bitch.

Stretching is not a great way to lose weight. It should not take up more than 10% of your total workout time.


Although 'cultish' (yes thats cultish not what you all were all thinking! - ironically either would work fine) CF guys/girls are jacked up (thats good), why? because they work hard and eat right! its simple. Im not getting into a CF debate because 10 in one week is too much. If you want to look like you train, Join a crossfit gym and get with their program. Your shoulder could fall off after 12 months but who cares when you have an 8 pack? (sorry couldn't resist) - I like sensible Crossfit training. I do it myself.

Crossfitters are generally ripped due to their simple approach to hard work/good diet


Im just trying to get people to think about why they are actually doing what they do? You have a choice on what you want to look like and there are numerous tools to get you there.

If you want smaller legs to look good in a pencil skirt - Maybe spinning isnt for you?

If you want to add some muscle mass to hit the beach this summer. Lift some weight? TRX will not get you that much bigger.

If you need to drop some fat - burn some calories when you train AND eat for fat loss. Lots of stretching and muffin eating isnt the answer.

Seek out bodies you wish to emulate, find out how they got there and then copy it!

That is all, its good to be back :)


  1. Great post, thanks...and very true. Also, although I appreciate that PT's can generally help anyone, I do get confused by people who choose a PT who is a polar opposite to the look they want. Example would be giant obese Arab bloke with petite young female PT (Well....I know why, but surely it's more beneficial to have somebody who knows what you must do)

    The martial arts guys, I would agree, keep the roundhouse kicks off the stretching mats, but I do think with a full contact martial art (in my case, BJJ), coupled with a decent diet and gym routine, can give you a pretty shredded look. aka Michael Langhi...

    1. Totally agree Matt, i was thinking more 'pure' martial artists because the example recently was a wushu guy came into the gym to show off and just looked like a knob basically. MMA guys now are warrior/spartan like which is my own personal physique goal so im loving that gym jones style training which mixes up cardio with strength.

      dare i say crossift style??!! haha

  2. This is the funniest blog i've read in a long time and i read a lot of fitness bloggers.

    Nathan you out did yourself this time around i loved it keep blogging in this style i loved it!

    1. Thanks, this is either one of 2 people - leave your name and can acknowledge you better :)

      these comments keep me writing, honestly. Im doing more writing from this month on as its my passion and i want to do it more in the future as i move away from 100% PT

  3. Yep, I agree....funny, light but to the point and a reminder to keep your focus on your goal/purpose of going to the gym in the first place.

    Thanks. (o:

  4. To have abdominal exercise machines at home will help you to focus on the intention of yours to have a fit and healthy body. Better check for the design of the equipment; be assured that it really is not produced up of undependable supplies

    1. Thanks for the spam Suzie, much appreciated

  5. Great article and o so true mate. Keep up the writing mate


  6. Cheers pix, nice to know my blog has reached home! Hope all is good with you, thanks for the comment


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